The Insult the British Borrowed from Us (Bonk)

Lyrics

[Intro]

[Verse 1]
It's 1978. Friday night at The Red Lion.
The air is thick with the smell of damp wool coats and stale bitter.
Young Alfie's boy, chasing a rolling penny, trips on the frayed rug.
His head just taps the leg of our table.
A soft little thump.
Bonk.
He doesn't even cry.
See? That's where it starts. It's just a sound.
The sound of something small hitting something else.

[Chorus]
It's the word you use when the others are too heavy for the moment.
A little bonk on the noggin.
A dart that bonks against the wire.
It ain't a crime, it's not a sin.
It's the friendly little noise that lets the meaning in.
Bonk. Just a bonk.

[Verse 2]
Old Dave's at the oche, aiming for the treble twenty.
He lets fly, it wobbles, hits the five.
'You daft git,' I tell him. 'You've properly bonked it.'
He reaches for his salt and vinegar crisps, knocks his pint glass against the jug.
A little bonk. A clean, clear sound.
It's the word for a mistake that doesn't matter.

[Chorus]
It's the word you use when the others are too heavy for the moment.
A little bonk on the noggin.
A dart that bonks against the wire.
It ain't a crime, it's not a sin.
It's the friendly little noise that lets the meaning in.
Bonk. Just a bonk.

[Bridge]
And of course, there's the other bonk.
The one the comedians on the telly say with a nudge.
It's not a hard word, not a nasty one.
It's gentle. Like bumping into the bedpost in the dark.
It's a nursery word for the grown-up world.
Even the cyclists have it for when they run clean out of road.

[Outro]
So I call Dave a silly old bonker and he just grins.
It's a tap on the shoulder, not a punch in the gut.
Oi, Alfie! Another round, mate.
And don't bonk the glasses on the way over.
Bonk.