Faces of Evil

Lyrics

[Intro]
Beige plastic, getting warm under my hand.
Philips CD-i 220, a strange promised land.
The infrared controller, missing the first click.
A little bit broken, a little bit sick.

[Verse 1]
You came across the ocean, a story on a tape.
From St. Petersburg, a new hero's escape.
Animation Magic, working through the cold year.
To give us a legend we'd learn to hold dear.
Dale DeSharone drew the map to the pit.
Sent it on a VHS and hoped it would fit.

[Chorus]
Oh, Wand of Gamelon, oh, Faces of Evil.
My beautiful, glorious media upheaval.
Your jerky animation, your thousand-yard stare.
The greatest disaster I'm so glad is there.
You're not the hero we wanted, but the one that we need.
A beautiful, terrible, digital weed.

[Verse 2]
Jeffrey Rath gave Link his voice that day.
He had some... specific things he wanted to say.
And Bonniejean Sandford, a Zelda so stern.
A lesson in lip-sync we'd never unlearn.
It’s not what they built, but what we received.
A masterpiece of failure, I truly believe.

[Chorus]
Oh, Wand of Gamelon, oh, Faces of Evil.
My beautiful, glorious media upheaval.
Your jerky animation, your thousand-yard stare.
The greatest disaster I'm so glad is there.
You're not the hero we wanted, but the one that we need.
A beautiful, terrible, digital weed.

[Bridge]
Then came 1994, and a hotel in a jam.
Lots of spaghetti in the master plan.
You were made to move units, a system-selling tool.
Instead you became the king of YouTube Poop school.
A legend whispered on the early web.
From the life you should have had, to this one instead.

[Outro]
Mah boi...
This peace is what all true warriors strive for.
Just... wonderful.