Nokia Taco Phone Fiasco

Lyrics

The future is calling.
But it's holding the phone weird.

It was 2003.
Jorma Ollila stood on a stage.
Said "an entirely new category of device."
And we believed him.
You arrived in my hand, a gray rubberized boat.
Phone on the top, buttons on the bottom.
A screen in the middle, full of promise.
Pocket-sized revolution.

And then the call came.
And I put you to my ear.
Side-talkin' to the world.
Holding a plastic taco to my head.
Oh, sidetalkin'.
Looking like I'm listening to a secret in a sandwich.
Yeah, the N-Gage.
My beautiful, ridiculous friend.

Okay, time for a new game.
Let's just pop the old one out... oh wait.
Off with the back plate.
Out with the battery.
A tiny MMC card hides underneath.
My copy of Shadowgun, jammed by a fraction of a millimeter.
Thank you, Salo factory.
Is this a phone or a puzzle box?

And then my boss calls.
And I put you to my ear.
Side-talkin' to the world.
Holding a plastic taco to my head.
Oh, sidetalkin'.
Looking like I'm listening to a secret in a sandwich.
Yeah, the N-Gage.
My beautiful, ridiculous friend.

Somewhere in a forgotten file cabinet
is a memo from an assembly line.
A warning that went unread.
A plea for sanity.
Did they think we wouldn't notice?
Did they build you on a dare?
The answer is lost to history.
And muffled, because it's coming from the edge of the phone.

Side-talkin'.
Side-talkin'.
Forever a taco phone.
A legend in your own special way.