The Handshake at Thirty Seconds (Patient H.M.)

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
She says
good morning
and offers her hand
and he takes it
with the warmth
of a man
who is meeting someone
kind
for the first time

She has done this
every Tuesday
for forty years

His hands —
his hands
are getting better
at drawing a star
by looking at it
in a mirror
and the getting better
is happening
in a part of him
that the surgery
didn't reach

But the knowing
that he drew it
yesterday
lives in the part
they took
and the part they took
was shaped
like a seahorse
and the seahorse
held every Tuesday
he would ever have
and now
the Tuesdays
arrive
and leave
and arrive
and leave
without
accumulating

[Chorus]
Thirty seconds
is the length
of his forever

Everything before
thirty seconds ago
is a country
he lived in
and cannot
find on a map

He knows
his childhood
He knows
his parents' house
He knows
the seizures
that shook him
before
the surgery
that stopped them
by stopping
everything
else

The surgeon
cured the storm
by removing
the coastline
and the coast
was where
he kept
tomorrow

[Verse 2]
When they asked him
what he would do
the next day
he said:
whatever
is beneficial

And the answer
was perfect
because the answer
required
no memory
of what
beneficial
had meant
before
It just meant:
the next good thing
offered
by the next
kind person
who introduces
herself
again

His hands
traced the star
ten times
on the first day
and made thirty errors
then twenty
then twelve
then five

On the second day
he made
almost none

And he had
no idea
that there had been
a first day
His hands
knew
His hands
had their own
Tuesday
running
in a corridor
the seahorse
never managed

[Bridge]
I am time
and I cannot reach him

He is the one person
in the history
of my jurisdiction
who lives
outside
my schedule

Every other person
I have ever carried
moves forward
whether they want to
or not
That is my function
That is what I do
to everything

But he
is standing
in September 1953
and September 1953
is standing
in him
and neither
of them
is going
anywhere

And I find this
not frustrating
but holy

A man
permanently
in the present
is the only man
who will never
fear me
because fearing me
requires
remembering
that I exist
and he cannot
remember
past
the handshake

[Final Chorus]
Thirty seconds
is the length
of his forever
and the forever
is not empty
The forever
is full
of first meetings
and first kindnesses
and the first time
a woman
says good morning
which to him
is not the first time
It is the only time
because the only time
is all
he has

And his hands
are drawing
a star
in a mirror
better
than they drew it
yesterday
and he does not know
about yesterday
but the star
knows
The star
is being drawn
by a man
whose body
remembers
what his mind
has released

And the releasing
was not his choice
and the remembering
is not his either
and the space
between the two
is a room
where a woman
says good morning
and means it
for the forty-first year
and a man
says good morning
and means it
for the first time
and both of them
are telling
the truth

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