Soviet Kroger: Empty Shelves of the Old World

Lyrics

[Intro]
Gather 'round, children of Decatur!
Pull up a milk crate, if you can find one.
Let me tell you about the great pilgrimage.
The quest for the mythical... Tuesday shipment.

[Verse 1]
Under the hum of the fluorescent gods,
we marched.
Past the vast, echoing canyons of the cereal aisle.
Past the lonely, sweating dairy case, a monument to hope.
We were hunters, seeking the rare and exotic beast:
A head of lettuce.
A bag of potatoes not yet soft.
They said Mrs. Henderson found an onion here, once.
Nineteen eighty-nine, I believe it was.
A good year.

[Chorus]
Ah, the Soviet Kroger! The shelves are bare!
But the stories, my friends, the stories are all there!
Join the glorious line, it stretches to the door!
We have nothing you came for, but you'll be back for more!
(Ha!)

[Verse 2]
Look at the faces in this great parade.
The quiet resignation. The shared, knowing glance.
We didn't need a newspaper.
We had the checkout line.
Heard about the mayor's dog from the lady in Aisle Three.
Debated the meaning of life while waiting for a price check on a single, dented can of beets.
We weren't just shoppers.
We were a people.
Forged in the fire of shared, mild inconvenience.

[Chorus]
Ah, the Soviet Kroger! The shelves are bare!
But the stories, my friends, the stories are all there!
Join the glorious line, it stretches to the door!
We have nothing you came for, but you'll be back for more!

[Bridge]
Some suit from corporate, he came down once.
Clipboard and a frown.
Talked about 'supply chain optimization.'
He didn't get it.
This wasn't about bread.
It was about the breaking of it.
It was about coming home empty-handed, again,
and having a new chapter to tell.
A legend, growing in the dark.

[Outro]
No chicken! No cheese! No toilet paper!
But look! A pallet of discounted pickle relish!
A victory! For the people!
We will feast on our tales tonight!