Yuppie Kroger: The Avocado & Craft Beer Brigade

Lyrics

[Intro]
Saturday morning, ten A.M.
Just left the gym in Buckhead again.
Got my reusable canvas bags.
Time to collect some lifestyle tags.

[Verse 1]
The automatic doors slide open with a gentle hiss.
It smells like clean choices and organic bliss.
I bypass the flowers, I’m on a mission.
For a higher state of nutritional contrition.
Past the pyramids of Honeycrisp apples, perfectly stacked.
My eyes are on the prize, there's no turning back.
Found the dark green kale, the lacinato kind.
Gonna clear my body, gonna clear my mind.
And there they are… the avocados from Haas.
A whole display for the upwardly mobile class.
One for today, two for the week.
The future of my toast is anything but bleak.

[Chorus]
Oh, we fill the cart with the promises we keep!
While the rest of the city is still asleep!
Got kombucha flowing on tap, a hazy IPA!
We're the Avocado and Craft Beer Brigade!
Hey!
This ain't just groceries, it's the life we wanna lead!
Planting açaí and quinoa seed!

[Verse 2]
Now for the dairy aisle, a tactical advance.
Past the Greek yogurt, giving it a passing glance.
I need the almond milk, unsweetened, of course.
And a small-batch cheddar from a local source.
Hummus with pine nuts, gluten-free crackers made from seeds.
Fulfilling all my aspirational needs.
Is that oat milk barista blend? Add it to the pile.
Gonna make a perfect latte, urban-pastoral style.
We nod to each other, the others like me.
Carts full of virtue for everyone to see.
Same Lululemon uniform, same determined face.
We are the masters of this well-lit, curated space.

[Chorus]
Oh, we fill the cart with the promises we keep!
While the rest of the city is still asleep!
Got kombucha flowing on tap, a hazy IPA!
We're the Avocado and Craft Beer Brigade!
Hey!
This ain't just groceries, it's the life we wanna lead!
Planting açaí and quinoa seed!

[Bridge]
In the checkout line, the beep is a steady beat.
A quiet affirmation on this clean Buckhead street.
And for a second, I see it all so clear…
We’re all just buying the best version of ourselves this year.

[Outro]
FOR THE TOAST!
FOR THE KALE!
FOR THE WEEKEND ALE!
FOR THE POST-WORKOUT GLOW!
THE ONLY KROGER WE KNOW!
THE BRIGADE!
HEY!