The Long Word Blues

Lyrics

[Intro]
Keep it brief. Keep it brisk.
No need to put my tongue at risk.

[Verse 1]
I walked into the clinic with a shiver in my spine,
Begged the man in the glasses to ease my mind.
Just give me the verdict, make it punchy and quick,
Don't spell out a mountain when a pebble does the trick.
But he cleared his throat, and he took a deep breath,
And handed me a sequence that scared me to death.

[Chorus]
I’ve got the long word blues, the heavy-vowel shakes,
Every extra consonant is a terrible mistake.
You think you sound poetic when you stretch out the sound,
But anything past ten letters puts me under the ground.
Yeah, I love a little chatter, but I hate the alphabet,
When it's strung into a train that fills me with dread.

[Verse 2]
I can handle a noun, I can weather a verb,
But you stack up the prefixes and you strike a nerve.
Staring at volume seven of the 1989 Oxford print,
Looking at the glossary with a terrified flinch.
Why do the academics always have to show off?
I see a hyphen approaching and my knees go soft.

[Chorus]
I’ve got the long word blues, the heavy-vowel shakes,
Every extra consonant is a terrible mistake.
You think you sound poetic when you stretch out the sound,
But anything past ten letters puts me under the ground.
Yeah, I love a little chatter, but I hate the alphabet,
When it's strung into a train that fills me with dread.

[Bridge]
Here is the joke that the scientists play,
The cruelest little trick in the medical maze.
To name my condition, to capture my fright,
They built a thirty-six character beast I can't hide.
It sounds like a river horse mixed with a giant,
I’d try to pronounce it but I’m staying quiet.
I love to be understood, but I hate what it takes,
When the cure for the fear is the very thing that breaks...
My jaw.

[Outro]
So cut to the chase.
Get right to the core.
I don't want to read your big thoughts anymore.
No more.
Done.
Bye.