The Kroger at Windward (Two Hours North of Ponce)

Lyrics

[Intro]
Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Step right up!
You think you know Kroger? You've been to the one on Ponce?
Honey, you ain't seen nothin' yet. Welcome to the main event!

[Verse 1]
It's Saturday morning, nine-seventeen on the dot.
The air smells of floor wax and cantaloupe, just starting to rot.
Minivans circle the lot like sharks in a clean, blue sea.
This is Windward Parkway, baby. A world away from the city.
No sirens, no grit, no stories you tell with a shudder.
Just a wobbly wheel on the red cart, and a polite little stutter from the checkout clerk.

[Chorus]
'Cause this ain't the Murder Kroger! No, this ain't the one downtown!
This is the Pine Straw and Polo Shirt Kroger, the safest bet in town!
Two exits north of Mansell, two hours north of Ponce!
Where the only thing gettin' cut is the price on the boneless, skinless chicken... just this once!

[Verse 2]
Look over there! A 1997 F-150, spot forty-seven, tailgate down.
Got a car seat and two bales of pine straw, the king of this suburban town.
And listen! 
That's the sound of our danger! Self-checkout station number six!
The cold air from the dairy case hits your neck, that's the real high-stakes fix.

[Chorus]
Oh, this ain't the Murder Kroger! No, this ain't the one downtown!
This is the Lacrosse Mom and Tech Dad Kroger, the safest bet in town!
Two exits north of Mansell, two hours north of Ponce!
Where the only thing gettin' cut is the ribbon on a brand new organic quinoa... just this once!

[Bridge]
Now, a little secret, just between us.
Up in the ceiling tile, collecting dust...
Is the grand opening banner from 1996. The ghost bunting, the employees call it.
A little piece of the origin story, before the subdivisions swallowed all of it.
A whisper of what was, in the hum of the fluorescent fix.

[Outro]
So there you have it! The Windward Wonder! The Alpharetta Acropolis of Groceries!
Go on home now, folks. The rotisserie chickens are waiting.
Thank you and goodnight!