Matrimonial Peacemaker

Lyrics

[Intro]


[Verse 1]
The pewter leaves rings on the grain of the board
The maid with the apron comes gathering glass
I tell the assembly how Mary was raising
A terrible storm over nothing to pass
A sudden division, a chill in the hall
She threatened the china, she pacing the wall

[Pre-Chorus]
I glance at the girl with the rag in her grip
And swallow the phrasing a sailor would yell
The jaw tightens up on the edge of the consonant

I reach for the velvet to soften the spell

[Chorus]
I brought out the matrimonial peacemaker
No Bristol wax needed to settle the case
A heavy provision to lay in the chambers
That alters the temper and colors the face
The purest diplomacy known to the crown
Whenever the gavel comes steadily down

[Verse 2]
The gentlemen chuckle and tap on their rum
They know what a magistrate keeps in his coat
The parlour requires a careful translation
For things that the taproom would take by the throat
No ink in the well, but the writ is applied
The argument softens, the voices subside
A firm resolution, presented at length
She yielded, of course, to the span of its strength

[Chorus]
I brought out the matrimonial peacemaker
No Bristol wax needed to settle the case
A heavy provision to lay in the chambers
That alters the temper and colors the face
The purest diplomacy known to the crown
Whenever the gavel comes steadily down

[Bridge]
Let the coal-heavers grunt in the mud of the street
We are men of the world, we are perfectly trained
We dress up the truce in a gentleman’s coat
While leaving the root of the matter unnamed
It keeps the maid innocent, wiping the spill
While we get to boast of our excellent will

[Outro]
The dispute is rested
The treaty will stand
A civilized ruling

Completely out of our hands