A Verbal Fig Leaf · Track 23 · middle
Gentleman Usher
Gentleman Usher (1710s) — The polite official who shows you in. Entirely a job title. VOLUME: III. THE TAVERN, 1700–1899. THE DODGE THIS ERA: The dodge becomes CLASS. Grose writes the Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue and suddenly there are two vocabularies: the one for the parlour and the one for the taproom. The joke is which room you are in. Sing the AVOIDANCE, never the anatomy.
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Lyrics
[Intro] The door to the parlour is heavy and pine, To keep the good silver away from the grime. We sit by the hearth where the smoke leaves a mark, And speak in a tongue that is better left dark. But watch how the threshold will alter the tone, When the latch is unfastened and hinges are thrown. I feel the cold draft on the back of my neck, And the tavern-yard syllables fall into step. [Chorus] Make way for the Gentleman Usher, He walks at the front of the line. He stands at attention, awaiting the cue, To open the doors to the room. He is dressed for the evening, he knows his estate, He never arrives to the gallery late. A bow and a flourish, a step to the right, He handles the business of night. [Verse] The landlady’s daughter is crossing the floor, Bringing the magistrate's bill to the door. Paying sixpence a glass for the Portuguese red, I’ve a gutter-born story right here in my breath. The jaw tightens up, just assessing the space, Before a blunt consonant ruins the shape. I look at my mates and I swallow the mud, And pull out a title of excellent cloth. [Chorus] Make way for the Gentleman Usher, He walks at the front of the line. He stands at attention, awaiting the cue, To open the doors to the room. He is dressed for the evening, he knows his estate, He never arrives to the gallery late. A bow and a flourish, a step to the right, He handles the business of night. [Bridge] The taproom is laughing, they follow the jest, But the lady hears only a courtly request. Two sets of words for the very same thing, One for the alley and one for the king. We dress him in livery, give him a staff, To cover the dirt with a gentleman's laugh. [Outro] The lady walks by. The parlour door clicks. We drop the king's English right back in the bricks. He's only an usher... Until she is gone, and he takes off his coat. And the evening resumes.