A Verbal Fig Leaf · Track 24 · middle
Silent Flute
Silent Flute (1720s) — An instrument that plays without sound. The gentlest one here. VOLUME: III. THE TAVERN, 1700–1899. THE DODGE THIS ERA: The dodge becomes CLASS. Grose writes the Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue and suddenly there are two vocabularies: the one for the parlour and the one for the taproom. The joke is which room you are in. Sing the AVOIDANCE, never the anatomy.
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Lyrics
[Intro] [Verse 1] Below the stairs, the pewter mugs are banging, The magistrate is chalking up his debt. A heavy sort of syllables are hanging, A lexicon of sawdust and of breath. I wipe three drops of arrack from my cuff, And leave the laughing fellows by the fire. The language of the dining room is rough, But parlor rooms demand a little higher. [Chorus] I offer up the silent flute instead. No brass to wake the spaniel on the rug. A man must measure everything he says, And leave the country manners in the jug. It takes no wind to play this melody, Just quiet time, and your company. [Verse 2] You sit beside the mantel with your lace, Expecting an amusement for the hearth. A taproom phrase would only leave a trace Of muddy boots upon the woven path. A half-beat jump before the jaw can shut I catch the vulgar noun and let it fade. I smooth the heavy linen of my coat, And offer up an instrument of shade. [Chorus] I offer up the silent flute instead. No brass to wake the spaniel on the rug. A man must measure everything he says, And leave the country manners in the jug. It takes no wind to play this melody, Just quiet time, and your company. [Bridge] There is a dictionary for the street, A vocabulary for the wooden chair. But when a fellow regulates his heat, He doesn't drag the alley up the stair. The boys below are shouting at the glass, But we are bound by silence and by class. [Outro] I play it for the drawing room alone. No need to press the stops or strike a key. Just listen to the air. We’ll leave the coarser music where it sleeps. Just you and me.