Arbor Vitae

Lyrics

The ladies take their China tea with little silver tongs
And speak of borders, beds, and where the hyacinth belongs
I catch the Major’s eye across the velvet and the lace
The mind halts for a fraction, holding back the tavern phrase
I smooth my waistcoat, clear my throat, and pivot to the earth
To tell the room exactly what a gentleman is worth

We are speaking of the Arbor Vitae, rooted in the shade
A specimen of quality, however it is weighed
It requires a gentle climate and a solitary hand
To rise above the common weeds that occupy the land
In the alley it’s a vulgar joke that costs a man his pride
But print it in the Latin, and the ladies smile aside

We cite from Miller’s folio of thirty-one to prove
The proper way to handle it, the seasons it will move
The taproom boys use market words, they holler at the hounds
But we have paid a tutor half a crown to shift the sounds
We dress the soil in syllables that Cicero might know
Because the parlor cannot hear how fast the sap can flow

We are speaking of the Arbor Vitae, rooted in the shade
A specimen of quality, however it is weighed
It requires a gentle climate and a solitary hand
To rise above the common weeds that occupy the land
In the alley it’s a vulgar joke that costs a man his pride
But print it in the Latin, and the ladies smile aside

The grand evasion of the class, the shield of Rome and Greece
We wrap the oldest appetite in academic peace
The Major nods, the vicar beams, the youngest daughter sighs
They think we love the foliage. We love the thin disguise

It only blooms in shadow, or so the scholars claim
A tavern root, a parlour room
Just a heavy, borrowed name
I pour another cup of tea
And leave the garden be