Odes to Joy

What I Was Afraid Of · Track 66 · middle

BFG 9000

BFG 9000 — *Doom*. Register: fiction. This song is sung BY this weapon, in first person, about the one thing IT was afraid of. Find the fear that is true of this specific object, not a generic one.

No audio yet — generation pending.

Lyrics

[Intro]
I am a heavy block of logic, shaped like a gun.
Cast in green light, waiting on a floating pedestal of code.

[Verse 1]
I know exactly what I am. The mathematical sun.
You don’t draw me to negotiate the burden of the road.
You draw me to damn.
Exactly thirty tics of charge time, winding up the coil,
Before the screen flashes white, before the architecture boils.

[Chorus]
But what am I afraid of, when I am the ceiling?
When I am the final, undeniable word?
I am terrified of the quiet that follows the clearing.
The absolute silence where nothing is heard.
I am the god of the empty room,
And I freeze when the green gives way to the gloom.

[Verse 2]
I sit in the dark of inventory slot number seven.
Made of polygons, summoned by a sequence of keystrokes.
I have never seen a sky, I have never seen a heaven.
Just red corridors, and the sudden, silent smoke
Of my own expansion.
Your shoulder braces heavy in the dark,
Before your brain even registers the geometry of the arc.
It is just math. Invisible rays finding every mark.

[Chorus]
But what am I afraid of, when I am the ceiling?
When I am the final, undeniable word?
I am terrified of the quiet that follows the clearing.
The absolute silence where nothing is heard.
I am the god of the empty room,
And I freeze when the green gives way to the gloom.

[Bridge]
No one I touch ever lives to describe me.
My myth is entirely held by the hand on the grip.
I clear the grid. I leave nothing alive beside me.
Just a smoking crater, a massive numerical dip.
I erase the very context I was built to sit in.
What is a weapon with nobody left to witness it?

[Outro]
The barrel vents.
The polygons settle back into place.
You step over the ashes, looking for the exit door.
I am full of power, a masterpiece of blank space.
But I am always so afraid of the floor.
When there is nothing left to clear.
When the silence is the only thing here.
Just the hum.
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