What I Was Afraid Of · Track 77 · middle
Naginata
Naginata — Japanese polearm. Register: ancient. This song is sung BY this weapon, in first person, about the one thing IT was afraid of. Find the fear that is true of this specific object, not a generic one.
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Lyrics
[Intro] I am a perimeter. I am a line drawn in the dust. [Verse 1] I was carved to keep the world at bay. Lacquered oak and a curving reach of steel. Weighted to pull with a heavy sway, knowing exactly how the distance feels. When she gripped me, she didn't end at the wrist— I was her farthest nerve in the morning mist. I pushed the horizon back. I kept the perimeter clean. But I know what the geometry means. [Chorus] I am terrified of the inside of the arc. The empty space between my edge and your beating heart. I can cut the wind, I can hold back the tide, but heaven help us if they step inside. I am useless in a sudden embrace. I fear the intimacy of a narrow space. [Verse 2] They left me at the threshold when the armies rode out. I was the silver keeper of the quiet house. A sweeping circle, a boundary drawn in white, catching the autumn sun, looking so bright. But if the pivot is late, or the footing slips, there is nothing to stop the eclipse. [Bridge] Once the blade is behind them, I am just a stick of wood. A lever without a fulcrum, failing where I stood. The terrifying warmth of a chest too close to strike. The three-foot blind spot just below the tsuba's light. I need them far away to make them bleed. Distance is the only air I breathe. [Chorus] And I am terrified of the inside of the arc. The empty space between my edge and your beating heart. I can cut the wind, I can hold back the tide, but heaven help us if they step inside. I am useless in a sudden embrace. I fear the intimacy of a narrow space. [Outro] Keep them far. Keep them away. Swing me wide in the open day. Don't let them touch the wood. Don't let them stand... so close to where you stand.