Odes to Joy

What I Was Afraid Of · Track 91 · middle

Barrett M82

Barrett M82 — .50 BMG anti-materiel rifle. Register: ancient. This song is sung BY this weapon, in first person, about the one thing IT was afraid of. Find the fear that is true of this specific object, not a generic one.

No audio yet — generation pending.

Lyrics

I am a long length of sleeping arithmetic.
My steel legs dig into the dirt.
You dial the turret, adjusting the optic,
Waiting for the crosswind to invert.
I was forged to shatter the engine block,
To tear the radar dish blind.
I am the heavy key in the heavy lock,
The end of an armored line.

Your pulse knocks once against my stock,
And your nervous system goes still.
We are a single spine on a bed of rock,
Just math and a steadying will.
You chamber six hundred and sixty grains,
A brass pillar meant for the steel.
Through the curved glass, the valley drains,
And I watch the soft way that he kneels.

I was made for the iron.
I was built to break the iron.
Why do you point me at water and bone?
Through the magnification, he is close enough to touch,
But it’s a mile of empty air to the stone.
I am terrified of the softness.
I am too vast for a fragile frame.
When you fire, the heavy barrel slides back on its springs,
But I cannot swallow the blame.

The muzzle brake blows the whole desert sideways.
The firing pin falls in the dark.
For a long moment, the atmosphere frays,
As the copper arcs toward the mark.
In that suspension, I am painfully awake.
I watch him look up at the sun.
I pray for a sudden draft, a mistake,
Something to leave it undone.

I was made for the iron.
I was built to break the iron.
Why do you point me at water and bone?
Through the magnification, he is close enough to touch,
But it’s a mile of empty air to the stone.
I am terrified of the softness.
I am too vast for a fragile frame.
When you fire, the heavy barrel slides back on its springs,
But I cannot swallow the blame.

The dust settles on my objective lens.
The math was perfect.
The math is always true.
Fold up my legs now.
I don't want to look anymore.
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