Gigil

Lyrics

[Intro]
(celeste — absurdly sweet, music-box innocent)
(then a single pizzicato pluck — sharp, a tiny bite)

[Verse 1]
Tôi thấy con mèo con — I saw the kitten
And my hands made fists
Not because I was angry
But because the sweetness
Overflowed the container
It was issued
And the overflow
Came out as knuckles

The Filipinos named this — gigil
The gritting and the clenching
The face you make
When the baby's cheeks
Are a provocation
The body cannot answer
With the appropriate currency
So it pays in the wrong one

You want to say: beautiful
But the mouth sends: I will destroy you
And both are true
And neither is a lie
And the distance between them
Is the width of a dimple
On a face
You want to bite
Affectionately

[Chorus]
(building — sweet, sharp, the celeste and pizzicato in loving combat)
Gigil, gigil
The fist that means I love you
Gigil, gigil
The body paying tenderness
In the currency of war
Because the tender drawer is full
And the full drawer
Jams
And the jam
Looks like aggression
But tastes like the feeling
You get
When someone small
Falls asleep on your shoulder
And your shoulder
Becomes the most important geography
In the room

[Verse 2]
(just voice and piano, intimate, the science arriving as story)
Tôi bế cháu trai — I held my nephew
Who was three weeks old
And shaped like a question
A warm loaf had asked a blanket
And my jaw clenched
And my eyes filled
And the filling and the clenching
Were the same feeling
Wearing different uniforms

The brain sends opposite signals
When the feeling is too large
For the valve it was assigned
Crying when happy
Clenching when tender
The overflow
Is not confusion
The overflow
Is the body's review
Of something
It cannot process
At the original volume
So it turns it up
And the turning up
Comes out sideways
And the sideways
Is the gigil

[Bridge]
(stripped — just voice, whispering, the comedy becoming sacred)
Bà ngoại tôi nói — my grandmother said
When you love something
And your hands don't know what to do
Let them tremble
The trembling
Is the body
Writing a letter
It doesn't have
An alphabet for

And the letter
Gets delivered anyway
Through the fist
Through the gritted jaw
Through the tears
That arrive at a party
They weren't invited to
But everyone's glad they came

[Outro]
(celeste returns — the sweet melody, but now you hear the clenching in it)
Gigil
(softly, smiling, fists gently closed)
Tôi yêu cho đến khi nắm tay — I love until my fist
And the fist
Is the thank you
The body sends
When the words
Run out of room
(pizzicato — one final loving pluck)