The Dirtiest Album Ever Recorded* — Vol 2 · Track 1 · opener

Like a Virgin

PARODY, laundered-double-entendre album (Vol 2). Write ORIGINAL wholesome lyrics that SOUND suggestive from the title but are LITERALLY and innocently about a bottle of extra-virgin olive oil, first cold press. The dirty mind is the listener's — the song is clean, DistroKid/YouTube-safe, G-to-PG. Vintage register to the era. ⛔ CRITICAL COPYRIGHT RULE: do NOT reproduce, quote, or lightly paraphrase the source song's CHORUS/HOOK or ANY distinctive lyric line. Suno's filter WILL reject it and it creates real copyright liability. Borrow ONLY the TITLE. Invent a completely fresh hook line about a bottle of extra-virgin olive oil, first cold press. Source being parodied (title only, never its words): Like a Virgin (1984).

Lyrics

I saw you on the highest shelf.
Knew I had to have you for myself.
Brought you home, just for tonight.
Waiting under the kitchen light.

That dark green glass, a heavy, lovely weight.
A paper seal, a special harvest date.
From an old grove in Puglia, I read the sign.
An ancient, pure, and quite unbroken line.
You've never known a single moment's heat.
Just gentle pressure, slow and bittersweet.
I've waited for this, holding my breath, it's true.
To be the very first to get to you.

And it feels just like the very first time.
So pure, a quality sublime.
When I finally break the seal on you,
Everything feels shiny and new.
First cold press, a golden stream.
Living out my panzanella dream.

A careful twist, a quiet pop, the cap comes free.
A scent of summer grass, released for me.
The label says below twenty-seven degrees.
A secret promise carried on the breeze.
I tip the bottle, slow and steady now.
This liquid gold, I make a silent vow
to pour it right, a single, perfect taste.
Not a single precious drop will go to waste.

And it feels just like the very first time.
So pure, a quality sublime.
When I finally break the seal on you,
Everything feels shiny and new.
First cold press, a golden stream.
Living out my panzanella dream.

Some might not understand the little thrill.
That sudden catch that makes my throat stand still.
A pleasant burn, a peppery little spark.
A flash of goodness lighting up the dark.
It's how you know the quality's real inside.
Now there is nothing left for you to hide.
Oleocanthal is the fancy name for that fire.
Lifting my simple bruschetta even higher.

And it feels just like the very first time!
So pure, a quality sublime!
When I finally broke the seal on you,
Everything felt shiny and new!
First cold press, a golden stream!
Living out my panzanella dream!

Shiny and new...
Yeah... so new...
First press... cold press...