The Dirtiest Album Ever Recorded* — Vol 2 · Track 4 · middle
Push It
PARODY, laundered-double-entendre album (Vol 2). Write ORIGINAL wholesome lyrics that SOUND suggestive from the title but are LITERALLY and innocently about assembling flat-pack furniture / a stuck front door (comic). The dirty mind is the listener's — the song is clean, DistroKid/YouTube-safe, G-to-PG. Vintage register to the era. ⛔ CRITICAL COPYRIGHT RULE: do NOT reproduce, quote, or lightly paraphrase the source song's CHORUS/HOOK or ANY distinctive lyric line. Suno's filter WILL reject it and it creates real copyright liability. Borrow ONLY the TITLE. Invent a completely fresh hook line about assembling flat-pack furniture / a stuck front door (comic). Source being parodied (title only, never its words): Push It (1987).
Lyrics
Right then. Saturday morning. New nightstand. How hard can it be? Pieces laid out on the living room rug That particleboard smell, so cozy and smug The instructions are wordless, a series of cartoons A cheerful little man avoiding linguistic typhoons He points from Panel A to Slot 3-B With a confident smile, just for me Got my wooden dowels and my cam-lock fittings This is the most exciting part of my sitting room sittings Gotta get it lined up, gotta hold it steady Take a deep breath now, get my body ready It's not quite fitting, needs a little wood Ah, push it Push it good Just like the diagram said I should This Allen key is the devil's own tool It's making my civilized fingers feel cruel I've turned it and turned it 'til my knuckles are white Is this side the bottom? Or is that side the right? I've been at this for hours, since at least 1998 I'm starting to think this was a terrible fate I put the back panel on completely reversed Of all my life choices, this one feels the worst Gotta get it lined up, gotta hold it steady Take a deep breath now, get my body ready It's not quite fitting, needs a little wood Ah, push it Push it good Just like the diagram said I should It’s wobbling now, it just won’t stay square There’s a two-millimeter gap of pure despair It’s like the front door on that humid day in July When the wood swelled right up and it made me want to cry You lean your shoulder in, you give a little groan You have to get it open all on your own I got it lined up, I held it steady! Took a deep breath and my body was ready! I heard a loud click, understood! I pushed it! Pushed it good! It finally did what I knew that it could! There we are. Solid as a rock. ...Oh, you have got to be kidding me.