The Dirtiest Album Ever Recorded* — Vol 3 (Finale) · Track 1 · opener
Shave 'Em Dry
PARODY, laundered-double-entendre album (Vol 3, the finale). Write ORIGINAL wholesome lyrics that SOUND suggestive from the title but are LITERALLY and innocently about an old-time barbershop giving a close, careful straight-razor shave. The dirty mind is the listener's — the song is clean, DistroKid/YouTube-safe, G-to-PG. Vintage register to era. ⛔ CRITICAL COPYRIGHT RULE: do NOT reproduce, quote, or lightly paraphrase the source song's CHORUS/HOOK or ANY distinctive lyric line (even the famous tag line). Suno's filter WILL reject it and it creates real copyright liability. Borrow ONLY the general TITLE idea. Invent a completely fresh hook about an old-time barbershop giving a close, careful straight-razor shave. Source parodied (idea only, never its words): Shave 'Em Dry (1935).
Lyrics
Step right in, honey, take a seat. That big Koken chair, oh it can't be beat. Let me lean you back, get you comfortable and low. We're gonna take this nice and slow. First, the hot towel, a steamy, soft embrace. Gotta prep the canvas, get everything in place. Then the badger hair brush, swirls around the mug. Whippin' up a lather, thick as a winter rug. Spread it on so careful, every single spot. Gotta get it ready, give it all I've got. Oh, he takes that Solingen steel in his hand, The steadiest operator in the land. Goes against the grain, with a knowing eye. That's the way he knows to shave 'em dry. One clean pass, so smooth and deep. A promise that he'll always keep. No need to rush, no need to try. Just lean back and let him shave 'em dry. He pulls the skin taut, a gentle, practiced touch. Doesn't use much pressure, never asks for much. Just a little trust, a little bit of calm. The blade sings a whisper, like a Sunday psalm. From the sideburns down to the chinny-chin-chin. That's where the real artistry begins. Oh, he takes that Solingen steel in his hand, The steadiest operator in the land. Goes against the grain, with a knowing eye. That's the way he knows to shave 'em dry. One clean pass, so smooth and deep. A promise that he'll always keep. No need to rush, no need to try. Just lean back and let him shave 'em dry. The final scrape, and now the cool cloth wipe. Wakes you right up, banishes the night. A splash of that Bay Rum, a tingle and a sigh. A brand new man lookin' back at my eye. He did the job right, nothing left behind. Just the cleanest feeling you will ever find. Yeah... that's the stuff. Shave 'em dry. Mmm-hmm.