The Dirtiest Album Ever Recorded* — Vol 3 (Finale) · Track 7 · middle
Strap In, Robbie Baby
PARODY, laundered-double-entendre album (Vol 3, the finale). Write ORIGINAL wholesome lyrics that SOUND suggestive from the title but are LITERALLY and innocently about buckling baby Robbie safely into his car seat (comic). The dirty mind is the listener's — the song is clean, DistroKid/YouTube-safe, G-to-PG. Vintage register to era. ⛔ CRITICAL COPYRIGHT RULE: do NOT reproduce, quote, or lightly paraphrase the source song's CHORUS/HOOK or ANY distinctive lyric line (even the famous tag line). Suno's filter WILL reject it and it creates real copyright liability. Borrow ONLY the general TITLE idea. Invent a completely fresh hook about buckling baby Robbie safely into his car seat (comic). Source parodied (idea only, never its words): Strap On 'Robbie Baby' (1984).
Lyrics
[Intro] Okay, sunshine. Let's try this again. Just one more time. Mommy's got an appointment. [Verse 1] It's eight in the morning, the sun's in my eyes. Got the keys, got the diaper bag, got your little blue shoes. And here we are, facing the final boss. This molded plastic throne, this Saf-T-Shield from 1978. You arch your back like a tiny gymnast. You go completely boneless. A sack of very cute potatoes. How can something so small be so... liquid? [Chorus] Oh, we gotta get you in, gotta pull the webbing tight. It's a five-point situation, a puzzle in the morning light. Legs go here, arms go there, don't you fight. Come on, strap in, Robbie baby. Let's make this right. [Verse 2] The manual has diagrams, little smiling cartoon babies. They are not resisting. They are not covered in Cheerios. Their mothers in the drawings have such calm, serene faces. Not me. I'm sweating in this velour seat. I'm pretty sure Leonard Rivkin didn't test this on an octopus. You've got one arm in, now the other arm's out. You're a master of escape, a tiny Houdini. [Chorus] Oh, we gotta get you in, gotta pull the webbing tight. It's a five-point situation, a puzzle in the morning light. Legs go here, arms go there, don't you fight. Come on, strap in, Robbie baby. Almost... not quite. [Bridge] I'm bribing you with a teething biscuit. I'm singing your favorite song about the wheels on the bus. I'm making funny faces, I'm doing a little dance in the driveway. The neighbors are watching. I think Mrs. Henderson is judging my technique. One last push, one last wiggle. The red plastic buckle is staring at me. Mocking me. [Chorus] Oh, we gotta get you in, gotta pull the webbing tight. It's a five-point situation, a puzzle in the morning light. Legs go here, arms go there, don't you fight. Come on, strap in, Robbie baby. Yes! We got it right! [Outro] See? That wasn't so bad, was it? Now we can go. Just... don't drop your biscuit. Please don't drop the biscuit.