The Dirtiest Album Ever Recorded* — Vol 3 (Finale) · Track 8 · middle
Me So Horny
PARODY, laundered-double-entendre album (Vol 3, the finale). Write ORIGINAL wholesome lyrics that SOUND suggestive from the title but are LITERALLY and innocently about a bashful French-horn player in the brass section ('me, so HORN-y'). The dirty mind is the listener's — the song is clean, DistroKid/YouTube-safe, G-to-PG. Vintage register to era. ⛔ CRITICAL COPYRIGHT RULE: do NOT reproduce, quote, or lightly paraphrase the source song's CHORUS/HOOK or ANY distinctive lyric line (even the famous tag line). Suno's filter WILL reject it and it creates real copyright liability. Borrow ONLY the general TITLE idea. Invent a completely fresh hook about a bashful French-horn player in the brass section ('me, so HORN-y'). Source parodied (idea only, never its words): Me So Horny (1989).
Lyrics
October 17, 1957. The Municipal Auditorium. Velvet seats smell like dust and old promises. The footlights are warm on these worn stage planks. My hands are so clammy on the brass. They call me Arthur Pennyworth. Just a man with a golden maze on his lap. My Double Horn in F/Bb, polished to a gleam. There’s the little dent from that rehearsal back in '48. I wiped it down with the chamois cloth, just like always. Maestro Eleazar Thorne is tapping his baton on the stand. That sharp little sound, it always makes me flinch. And oh, it makes me so horny. All these coils of brass right here on my knee. The whole second movement is waiting for me. Yeah, I feel so very horny. My leather-bound score is open, Strauss Concerto Number One. The pages are yellowed, the graphite is smudged with nerves. My heart is a drum solo, way off-tempo with the strings. The whole brass section, they're looking this way now. They know my solo is coming. They know my cheeks get fire-engine red. It's just me and this beautiful, difficult thing. And oh, it makes me so horny. All these coils of brass right here on my knee. The whole second movement is waiting for me. Yeah, I feel so very horny. Here it comes. The Maestro gives the cue. My right hand goes deep inside the bell, where no one sees. Just gotta find the pitch, gotta shape the sound from within. It’s a delicate touch, a pressure you have to feel. Hand-stopping these high notes. Just breathing through the metal. Making it sing my part. Yeah. I do this often. It gets me so horny.