The Dirtiest Album Ever Recorded* · Track 7 · middle

Big Long Slidin' Thing

PARODY, laundered-double-entendre album. Write ORIGINAL wholesome lyrics that SOUND suggestive from the title but are LITERALLY and innocently about a trombone in the pit orchestra. The joke is that the dirty mind is the listener's — the song itself is clean, catalog-safe (DistroKid/YouTube-safe), G-to-PG. Vintage register to match the era. NEVER reproduce or paraphrase the source song's actual lyrics — only borrow the TITLE energy. Source being parodied: Big Long Slidin' Thing (1954).

Lyrics

The house lights start to dim.
Velvet seats and curtain hem.
Down below the boards, we wait for the call.

My baby's here with me.
Polished brass for all to see... if they could.
Cold to the touch, resting on the stand.
Just a little lamp to read the notes in my hand.
It's a cramped little space down in the pit,
but when the man gives the downbeat, we're ready for it.

I got my big long slidin' thing.
Oh, you should hear the sound it brings.
From a low down moan to a high sweet call,
My big long slidin' thing, it gives its all.

Needs a little drop of oil, a touch of cream.
To live out that musician's dream.
Got to keep that action smooth and fast.
This feeling, I tell you, it's built to last.
From the overture 'til the final scene,
that push and pull is where I've always been.
Playing these new charts, night after night, since 1954.
Always leaves the crowd wanting more.

I got my big long slidin' thing.
Oh, you should hear the sound it brings.
From a low down moan to a high sweet call,
My big long slidin' thing, it gives its all.

Some folks say it's the voice of God.
Some just give a knowing nod.
They don't see us down below the floor,
just feel that rumble, that brassy roar.
A noble instrument, that's what they say.
Gets me through the show every single day.

I got my big long slidin' thing!
Listen to that sweet brass sing!
From a low down moan to a high sweet call,
My big long slidin' thing, it gives its all!

Yeah... gives its all.