The Dirtiest Album Ever Recorded* · Track 8 · middle
Hot Nuts
PARODY, laundered-double-entendre album. Write ORIGINAL wholesome lyrics that SOUND suggestive from the title but are LITERALLY and innocently about the roasted-peanut cart vendor at the fair (comic). The joke is that the dirty mind is the listener's — the song itself is clean, catalog-safe (DistroKid/YouTube-safe), G-to-PG. Vintage register to match the era. NEVER reproduce or paraphrase the source song's actual lyrics — only borrow the TITLE energy. Source being parodied: Hot Nuts (1935).
Lyrics
[Intro] Step right up, folks! Over here! Over here! Don't you smell that? The finest aroma of the year! [Verse 1] Got my wooden cart on the dusty midway, been here since the crack of day. Polished the copper on this big roasting drum, crank the handle 'til my fingers are numb. I load in the Spanish peanuts, raw and pale, Then I fire up the coals, I never fail. The whole fair smells it from the livestock pen to the big top tent, That toasty, earthy, wonderful scent. [Chorus] Hot nuts! Get your hot nuts right here! Fresh and warm, makes your troubles disappear! Hot nuts! In a little paper cone! The best darned nuts this town has ever known! [Verse 2] See the children standin' in a silent line, Just a-watchin' that drum turn, a-keepin' time. And the young fellas buyin' a bag for their girl, Givin' that old ferris wheel a brand new whirl. I pull the lever, they tumble on down, The hottest little beauties in the whole darn town! I grab my big shaker, a salty white cloud, Makes a man stand up and shout out loud! [Chorus] Hot nuts! Get your hot nuts right here! Fresh and warm, makes your troubles disappear! Hot nuts! In a little paper cone! The best darned nuts this town has ever known! [Bridge] The paper cone gets oily in your hand, That's the sign of quality across the land. The sun's goin' down, the midway lights gleam, I'm livin' that great American peanut dream. One last batch before I have to pack it all in, A little taste of heaven, a delicious... WIN! A win for your tastebuds, that's the prize I sell! Come on and get 'em before the final bell! [Outro] Hot nuts! Last call for the hot nuts! Gettin' cold out here! Need some hot nuts!