The Dirtiest Album Ever Recorded* · Track 16 · middle

W.A.P.

PARODY, laundered-double-entendre album. Write ORIGINAL wholesome lyrics that SOUND suggestive from the title but are LITERALLY and innocently about a chipper 'Wet And Precipitation' weather report. The joke is that the dirty mind is the listener's — the song itself is clean, catalog-safe (DistroKid/YouTube-safe), G-to-PG. Vintage register to match the era. NEVER reproduce or paraphrase the source song's actual lyrics — only borrow the TITLE energy. Source being parodied: WAP (2020). DUET: VANTA + Billie Kitt as co-anchors of the weather desk — second voice in the style.

Lyrics

Good evening, folks, and welcome to the six o'clock report.
We've got a big system moving in, and you'll want to hear this.

That aneroid barometer on your wall?
It's been dropping all day long.
We've got a deep low-pressure system coming in from the coast.
Pulled out the big magnetic map, the isobars are tight.
Looks like the moisture's coming hard, starting late tonight.

Get your slickers, get your boots, check the weather map!
That's some Wet And Precipitation, yes, a whole lot of W.A.P.
From the valley to the peaks, gonna feel that tap-tap-tap.
That's some Wet And Precipitation, get ready for that W.A.P.

Now, this cold front is the real deal, fully saturated air.
You'll see some heavy accumulation, so you better be prepared.
We're talking widespread coverage, from the city to the farm.
Grab that bucket, grab that mop, it won't do you any harm.

Get your slickers, get your boots, check the weather map!
That's some Wet And Precipitation, yes, a whole lot of W.A.P.
From the valley to the peaks, gonna feel that tap-tap-tap.
That's some Wet And Precipitation, get ready for that W.A.P.

The rain gauge won't know what hit it, overflowing from the top.
Once this system settles in, it's not looking like it'll stop.
So pull the laundry off the line, bring the potted plants inside.
There's nowhere in this forecast area where you can really hide.
From this...
...incoming...
...Weather event!

Get your slickers, get your boots, check the weather map!
That's some Wet And Precipitation, yes, a whole lot of W.A.P.
From the valley to the peaks, gonna feel that tap-tap-tap.
That's some Wet And Precipitation, get ready for that W.A.P.

So there you have it. A hundred percent chance.
Stay dry out there, if you can.
We'll have more updates at eleven.
Now, back to you, Chuck.