The Dirtiest Album Ever Recorded* · Track 18 · closer
Montero
PARODY, laundered-double-entendre album. Write ORIGINAL wholesome lyrics that SOUND suggestive from the title but are LITERALLY and innocently about a faithful, well-loved 1990s Mitsubishi Montero SUV. The joke is that the dirty mind is the listener's — the song itself is clean, catalog-safe (DistroKid/YouTube-safe), G-to-PG. Vintage register to match the era. NEVER reproduce or paraphrase the source song's actual lyrics — only borrow the TITLE energy. Source being parodied: Montero (2021).
Lyrics
I remember the day we brought you home. That new car smell, vinyl and chrome. Felt like the future, right there in our hands. The key to all our future plans. Boxy and wide, a friend in the lane. Spare on the back door, ready for rain. Sitting so patient in our suburban drive, you made our little world feel so alive. Sunrise on the glass, Saturday clean, the most dependable machine I've ever seen. Oh, Montero, Montero, Montero... You were the one I would always call. Montero, Montero, Montero... Ready to catch us before a fall. Through every season, every mile of the way, I'd call your name at the start of the day. Summer of 1995, packed to the roof. Tent poles and coolers, the absolute proof that we could go anywhere, follow any sign. Windows rolled down, feeling so fine. The whisper of asphalt, the scent of the pines, crossing those county and state lines. You never once faltered, never once sighed. Just took us along for the ride. Oh, Montero, Montero, Montero... You were the one I would always call. Montero, Montero, Montero... Ready to catch us before a fall. Through every season, every mile of the way, I'd call your name at the start of the day. I still feel the sponge, soapy and cool, washing you down after school. That squeak on the window, the sun on the hood. You understood. You always understood. And when the pavement gave way to the dirt, a click of the shifter, a confident lurch. Super Select, ready to go. Taking us places nobody else knows. Oh, Montero, Montero, Montero! You were the one I would always call! Montero, Montero, Montero! Ready to catch us before a fall! Through every season, every mile of the way, I'd call your name at the start of the day! Yeah, I'll call your name... Montero... My Montero.