The Three-Year-Old Outranks Everyone

Lyrics

[Verse 1]
She pointed at me
across the living room
and said
you are a rhinoceros
with the absolute authority
of someone
who has been alive
for thirty-seven months
and has never once
been wrong
I am a neurosurgeon
I have degrees
I have publications
I have a reputation
for precision
that spans three hospitals
and two countries
I got on all fours
immediately
[Verse 2]
The rules of the game
were explained to me
in a language
that does not exist
outside this apartment
The sofa is the river
The carpet is the savannah
The kitchen threshold
is the border
between the part of Africa
where rhinoceroses live
and the part
where the juice boxes are
and the juice boxes
are not part of the game
but are available
to rhinoceroses
who have been good
I accepted these terms
without negotiation
which is the opposite
of everything
I do on Mondays
[Pre-Chorus]
My prefrontal cortex
the part that evaluates
and judges
and maintains
my professional reputation
went somewhere else
for forty minutes
It did not resign
It just went to lunch
the way it does
at the pottery wheel
but faster
and on all fours
and with sound effects
[Chorus — full brass, wild]
The three-year-old
outranks everyone
Her authority
is not earned
it is assumed
the way gravity is assumed
and equally
non-negotiable
She said be a rhinoceros
and I was a rhinoceros
She said the rhinoceros
is sleeping now
and I lay on the carpet
with my eyes closed
and she put a blanket
on me
that was actually a napkin
and said
shhh the rhinoceros
is tired
and I was tired
I was genuinely tired
and the napkin
was genuinely warm
and for eleven seconds
I was asleep
on a carpet
in someone else's apartment
under a napkin
being loved
by a person
who has no idea
what a neurosurgeon is
and does not care
[Verse 3]
The game ended
the way all games
with three-year-olds end
abruptly
without warning
mid-sentence
She saw a bird
outside the window
and the rhinoceros
ceased to exist
and I was myself again
which was
a smaller thing
to be
I sat on the floor
for a moment
before standing
the way you sit
in a theatre
after the lights come up
not ready
to rejoin
the version of the world
that has a schedule
[Bridge]
I do not have children
which means
the play
is always borrowed
I give it back
at the end of the afternoon
I give back
the rhinoceros
the savannah
the napkin-blanket
the eleven seconds
of being asleep
and loved
by someone
who has not yet learned
to love conditionally
Borrowed play
is the purest kind
because it expires
and the expiration
makes each minute
more specific
than a minute
that will repeat tomorrow
Her parents
have the schedule
They have the 2 a.m.
They have the fever
and the worry
and the night
I have the rhinoceros
and the forty minutes
and the napkin
and I am not pretending
this is enough
I am saying
this is what I was given
and it was
the most accurate
description of love
I have encountered
since page 342
[Final Chorus — full brass, joyful then softening]
The three-year-old
outranks everyone
and she is right to
because the ranking system
she uses
is the only one
that works
She does not rank
by degree
or publication
or steady hands
She ranks
by willingness
to get on the floor
And I got on the floor
I got on all fours
and I charged the sofa
and the sofa
was the river
and I was the rhinoceros
and she was laughing
and the laughing
was the peer review
and I passed
and for forty minutes
on a Saturday afternoon
in someone else's apartment
on someone else's carpet
under a napkin
that was also a blanket
I was not a surgeon
I was not a scientist
I was not precise
I was a rhinoceros
and the rhinoceros
was enough