I Said It Because the Soup Was Getting Cold (Tough Love)

Lyrics

The steam has stopped rising from the bowls.
It’s been ten minutes.

The potatoes are taking on water.
The carrots, once a promise, have gone soft.
I listened to you talk around the hole in the floor.
The one you dug. The one we keep falling into.
I have mended your clothes, I have paid your debts.
I have lied to my brother, Mark, about where you were last Tuesday.
I have rehearsed this speech in the car, at the market, in the shower.
A thousand times.
And a thousand times, I have swallowed it back down with the coffee.

But I said it tonight.
I said the words that had to be said.
Not out of anger. Not out of spite.
I said it because the soup was getting cold.
And there's no point pretending we're here for a meal
when the house is on fire.

You looked at me across the checkered placemat.
The one your aunt Mary gave us in '82.
Your fork stopped halfway to your mouth.
And in your eyes, I was a stranger.
A judge.
The bag I packed for you is by the door. It's been there since Wednesday.
I didn't hide it.
You just never looked.
You said my name like it was a curse.

And I let you.
I said the words that had to be said.
Not out of anger. Not out of spite.
I said it because the soup was getting cold.
And there's no point pretending we're here for a meal
when the house is on fire.

This is the love that looks like a locked door.
This is the love that feels like a shovel hitting stone.
It costs everything.
I remember you, five years old, asleep in the back of the Ford.
I would have killed anything that tried to wake you.
I guess I still would.

The key is on the table.
Next to the salt.
The soup is cold now.
It’s done.