Three Sheets to Kishkiyya · Track 29 · middle
Iron My Shoelaces
VOLUME II — the sudden, urgent pilgrimage to the BATHROOM. The idiom and the song's title hook: "Iron My Shoelaces". Its true history: US, 1920s — excusing yourself with a solemn, absurd, private chore. Render this beat of the night as the band's affectionate, funny, celebratory tribute — the idiom itself is the chorus hook.
Lyrics
[Intro] Excuse me for just one moment. [Verse 1] The band is loud, the gin is cold My situation’s taking hold But I possess a certain chill I keep my heavy posture still You never simply say aloud You need to leave the spinning crowd You fabricate a sudden quest And leave them guessing at the mess [Chorus] So darling, pardon my retreat I have a solemn chore to chase It’s very urgent, quite discreet I'm going to iron my shoelaces Yes, fetch the board and heat the iron I’m stepping off the parlor rug To make my velvet ribbons tidy And give the little door a tug [Verse 2] Back in the US, 1920s Amid the jazz and heavy brass They needed elegant evasions To slip away and ditch the glass A solemn and absurd excuse To vanish down the wooden hall When bathtub spirits worked their magic And nature made her quiet habit [Chorus] So darling, pardon my retreat I have a solemn chore to chase It’s very urgent, quite discreet I'm going to iron my shoelaces Yes, fetch the board and heat the iron I’m stepping off the parlor rug To make my velvet ribbons tidy And give the little door a tug [Bridge] The corridor is stretching out I keep my high heels in a line A lady doesn't sprint or shout She keeps her architecture dry It’s all about the dignity The cheeky double-meaning game I have a crease that I must see Before I lose my frozen frame [Outro] Perfectly pressed, not a wrinkle in sight I'll be right back to finish the wine Don't touch my drink, I'll return to my place Just as soon as I flatten this lace A perfect crease. Right down the center.