Three Sheets to Kishkiyya · Track 35 · middle

Point Percy at the Porcelain

VOLUME II — the sudden, urgent pilgrimage to the BATHROOM. The idiom and the song's title hook: "Point Percy at the Porcelain". Its true history: Australia/UK, 20th c. — cheeky alliteration for aiming at the bowl; keep it sly, not crude. Render this beat of the night as the band's affectionate, funny, celebratory tribute — the idiom itself is the chorus hook.

Lyrics

[Intro]
The conversation stops dead.
The glass hits the coaster.

[Verse 1]
You have that sudden, frozen look
Like you left the iron on at home.
You stand up with a terrible grace,
Leaving me in the booth alone.
The liquid arithmetic finally adds up,
The surplus demands a quick retreat.
You navigate the sticky linoleum
On suddenly unreliable feet.

[Chorus]
Time to point Percy at the porcelain.
A polite excuse for a sudden dash.
Point Percy at the porcelain,
Before the levee decides to crash.

Such a civilized phrase for a frantic trip.

[Verse 2]
Let us consult the dictionary of the dive.
An export of 20th-century Australian pride,
Penned in a 1973 comic strip,
Where all the crude mechanics are neatly denied.
It relies entirely on the plosive consonant,
A cheeky little alliterative shield.
It sounds like a gentleman's formal introduction,
When actually, it is just the plumbing giving yield.

[Chorus]
Time to point Percy at the porcelain.
A polite excuse for a sudden dash.
Point Percy at the porcelain,
Before the levee decides to crash.

[Bridge]
The corridor is narrow, the lock is a trick.
You rattle the handle, panic in your eye.
Percy is waiting, the porcelain is cold,
The euphemisms falter when the stakes get high.

We dignify the body with a clever little joke.

[Outro]
So go on and make your proper introductions.
The white ceramic bowl awaits your decree.
Point him, aim him, do what you must.
Just try not to lose your balance on the way back...
To the table.