Tap a Kidney

Lyrics

[Intro]
Step right up, folks, to the greatest pressure act in town!
A little brass, a little bass, a little... urgency.

[Verse 1]
Well the band is playing hot and the pints are going down
But there's a different rhythm starting in the center of the town
It's a marvel of the modern age, a 20th-century thrill
Like the waterworks of old New York, it's bursting through the mill
The pipes are getting heavy, the pressure gauge is red
I'm smiling at the trumpet player, hearing what he said

[Chorus]
Oh, excuse me ladies, pardon me gents
I gotta tap a kidney 'fore I lose my sense!
It's a music hall maneuver, it's a plumbing jubilee
I've got a keg inside me and I need to set it free
Turn the brass, let it pass, what a lovely symphony
Yeah, I gotta tap a kidney, won't you hold my seat for me?

[Verse 2]
Back in 1912 they built the Palace with a row of shiny stalls
For the intermission stampede when the curtain finally falls
I'm doing the exact same dance, a frantic little trot
A two-step to the water-closet, giving all I've got
It's a miracle of nature, this anatomy of ours
Converting all this golden ale to cinematic stars

[Chorus]
Oh, excuse me ladies, pardon me gents
I gotta tap a kidney 'fore I lose my sense!
It's a music hall maneuver, it's a plumbing jubilee
I've got a keg inside me and I need to set it free
Turn the brass, let it pass, what a lovely symphony
Yeah, I gotta tap a kidney, won't you hold my seat for me?

[Bridge]
Like a barrel in the cellar waiting for the wooden spout
What goes into the spectacular must eventually come out
Keep the rhythm ticking, keep the melody in time
I'll be back before the chorus, I'll be back before the chime
Just a minor intermission for a major waterfall!

[Outro]
Tap it out, tap it out, hear the rhythm of the shoe
Tap a kidney, tap a kidney, it's the only thing to do
I'm tipping my hat to the pipes.
And the bartender.
And maybe I'll just stay in here for the second act...