Three Sheets to Kishkiyya · Track 54 · middle
Drive the Porcelain Bus
VOLUME III — being SICK, the small-hours reckoning at the porcelain. The idiom and the song's title hook: "Drive the Porcelain Bus". Its true history: Australia, ~1980s — gripping the toilet bowl like a steering wheel; call the ride. Render this beat of the night as the band's affectionate, funny, celebratory tribute — the idiom itself is the chorus hook.
Lyrics
[Intro] Ladies and gentlemen, the main event! The spirits are heavy, the wages are spent. [Verse 1] He’s making his way down the long hallway Bouncing his shoulders, a beautiful sway It’s a 1980s Sydney championship bout You can see the wild rally as the lights flicker out He drops to the mat on the cold checker tile The engine is roaring, he’s going a mile He reaches his arms out, heavy and wide To grab the ceramic and conquer the ride [Chorus] He’s gonna drive the porcelain bus tonight! Ten and two on the rim, hold tight! Shift the heavy gears in the neon glow Gripping that bowl like a veteran pro It’s a long route home but he’s making good time Drive the porcelain bus, buddy, end of the line! [Verse 2] The chassis is shaking, the radiator steams He’s hauling the cargo of yesterday's schemes There’s a beautiful grace in the way he steers Washing away all the froth and the fears He’s leaning right into the hairpin bend Praying the highway is nearing its end The folks in the parlor wait for the bell As he wrestles the wheel through the dizzying swell [Chorus] He’s gonna drive the porcelain bus tonight! Ten and two on the rim, hold tight! Shift the heavy gears in the neon glow Gripping that bowl like a veteran pro It’s a long route home but he’s making good time Drive the porcelain bus, buddy, end of the line! [Bridge] And it’s a knockout punch of the glorious kind The stomach is empty, the trouble's behind He rests his hot cheek on the cool white hood The champion survived, and the motor sounds good. [Outro] Give it up for the midnight commute! He drove the porcelain bus, what a beautiful route. Pulling into the station... You can just leave the keys in the ignition, pal, take a walk.