Mr. Empty-TP-Roll

Lyrics

[Intro]
Oh, you cardboard ghost, spinning there on the holder.

[Verse 1]
Jeremy, it was February 14th, 2017, the first time I noticed.
You left the Charmin tube bare in our Brooklyn walk-up bathroom.
The silver holder from IKEA, the one we assembled together, creaking under nothing.
I reached in the dark, 6:45 AM, and felt only air and that hollow roll.
Your one job, you said, laughing over takeout Thai that night.
But it spun empty again by March.

[Chorus]
Empty tube, you're the witness to his lazy hands.
Spinning like a promise he never kept.
Roommate's revenge brewing in the cupboard shadows.
Ten years deep, and still no fresh roll from you.

[Verse 2]
By 2020, the pandemic stockpile under the sink,
Cases of Kirkland Signature we hoarded from Costco.
You used the last sheet, left the tube mocking me.
I started hiding rolls in my bedroom drawer,
The one with the broken handle from that fight in '19.
Your sigh when I mentioned it, "I'll get to it, Sarah."
But the tube stayed, a sentinel of your disregard.

[Bridge]
Little tube, you've seen our mornings unravel.
The steam from the shower, the toothpaste cap lost down the drain.
If you could talk, you'd tell of his footsteps retreating,
Leaving you bare, the cupboard door ajar, just ten inches away.

[Verse 3]
Last week, April 5th, 2023, I replaced it myself again.
The soft pack from Target, the one with aloe.
But tonight, it's empty once more, spinning slowly.
Jeremy, this is the vice that undoes us, one sheet at a time.

[Outro]
Spin on, empty tube, until the lease ends in June.