Mr. Loud-Chewer-At-Work

Lyrics

[Intro]

[Verse 1]
Jeremy in cubicle four,
at 9:34 AM sharp,
bites into the Honeycrisp apple
from his Tupperware lunch kit,
bought at Target on June 17th, 2022.
The first crunch echoes like a gunshot
in the open-plan office on floor seven,
where Sarah adjusts her Bose noise-cancelers,
and Mike clenches his Pilot G2 pen.

[Chorus]
Oh, apple, red and merciless,
your skin snaps under his teeth,
filling the air with wet percussion,
twelve minds drifting to dark places—
imagining Jeremy's coffee spiked with arsenic
from the break room cabinet, dated May 2023,
or his tie caught in the shredder by the window.
You, innocent fruit, weaponized at breakfast.

[Verse 2]
The second bite, louder, juice spraying
onto his Dell keyboard, model XPS 13,
purchased November 4th, 2021.
Lisa in marketing dreams of pushing him
from the fire escape on the east side,
while Tom sketches nooses on his notepad,
college-ruled, bought at Staples last week.
The sound builds, relentless rhythm,
each chew a violation in this shared silence.

[Bridge]
Apple, you were picked in Yakima Valley,
October 12th last year, shipped to Whole Foods
on Elm Street. Now, here, in Jeremy's jaw,
you're the villain we all endure,
the quiet rage pooling under desks.

[Verse 3]
By the core, discarded at 9:42 AM,
on a napkin from the vending machine area,
the fantasies fade, but the hum remains,
a low boil in the fluorescent light.
Tomorrow, same time, same Honeycrisp fate.

[Outro]